When Loving Something Isn't Enough

I had an interesting discussion the other day. A few people were discussing someone who is leaving their job for a new one. They were confused about why the person seemed so sad about leaving, yet was leaving of their own volition.

Having previously been in a similar situation I know what it is like to love a job and want desperately to stay in that job, but to also find yourself in a situation where loving the job isn't enough. Sometimes something can't be what you need it to be, no matter how much you love it.

I think vehicles are a great and relatable example of this. The trope of guy with awesome car trades it in to become dad with a minivan is a great example. Whatever your car of choice: sports car, lifted truck, rally racer, they don't typically carry the whole family in comfort along with groceries. Your love for the car never wanes, it simply can never be what you need at the moment. So despite all the love you may have, you make a decision and move on. With cars it seems a little more trivial, but also more commonly relatable. Jobs and relationships are actually very similar. They are built and curated over a long time and become a big part of our identity both internally and to observing world. That sentence could work for both.

Jobs are a complex web of relationships, dependencies, knowledge, abilities, aptitudes, and more. You can love almost every part of it and still find yourself in a situation where that isn't enough. I think one of the most common examples is the lack of opportunity. If you love a job but the next level of growth is inaccessible for any reason, most eventually tire and seek other opportunities. If you become bitter along the way and no longer like the job then it is easy for others to understand. For some reason though, if you maintain your love of the job but simply recognize you must move to pursue your goals, it becomes more unrelatable. The question, "If you like the job, why leave?" become the default. Why get a minivan when your sports car still runs?

A more existential version of this is when someone finds themselves in the proverbial "battle for the soul of the company" and loses. There are absolutely times in companies of all sizes where there are opposing ideals, ethics, and philosophies in general within the organization. Whether implicit or explicit, these are often battles for the soul of the company. If you have a guiding set of principles from which your philosophy arises and you see all around you, those with opposing principles growing in number, power, or both, and those with like principles shrinking in number, power, or both, then you my friend are on the losing side. You can love the job all you want, but at some point, that love will not be enough. The job cannot be what you want it to be and you cannot be the person the organization wants.

I think all of this can happen without regard for performance. You can be great at your job and continue to produce. There are even many situations where you can continue to make a difference in a positive way. You might even be able to turn the tide the other way. As has been quoted by many wise folks in the past, "Predictions are hard, especially about the future."

So, if at some point you find yourself fighting the good fight and look around to see that those by whose side you have been fighting are gone and the opposition's numbers have swelled; pause. Ask yourself in that moment, "Can this be what I need it to be? Can I be what the organization wants?" If the answer is no, perhaps you too will come to understand how, sometimes, loving something isn't enough.